Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Living the Dream vs. Chasing It

I'm back, after a long hiatus in which I had nothing to say. Or, rather, since those that know me know I can't really shut up for long, nothing of a non-fictional essence to write. I apologize to my one follower, I hope you weren't relying on me. I promise, I'll try to be a better blogger.

I had a wonderful summer of funemployment, thank you VERY much. Long lunches, writing, creating art – in short, living the dream. The My Own Agency thing never really took hold, because in all honesty, both my partner and I suck at new business. So now it's back to reality: corporate clothes, wearing a badge, punching a clock and logging in. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the work, it's buying me a nice trip to NYC in a few weeks, where I'll live the dream for 4 days: long lunches, writing, looking at art.

Now, I have a friend who, even though she has no idea this blog exists, shall go nameless. Because I'm sort of cheesed off at her at the moment. Like the rest of us, she's trying to realize her dreams. Bravo! But, unlike the rest of us, she is willfully disregarding her obligations. The money for her Indie film has been coming in "Any Minute Now" for about 3 years. About 2 1/2 years ago, I loaned her some money. As it turns out, so did a lot of people. Money which she essentially re-distributed to her writer/director partner.

All of that would be fine except for the fact that, while waiting for the ship to come in (and a slow boat it is), she refuses to find any meaningful employment. Adamantly stating that she is alone in the world, disregarding the people who loaned her thousands upon thousands, she insists upon pursuing her dream. She defaulted on the loans, won't sell her house, and is generally behaving badly. If she does make it, people will say she was courageous and visionary. If she doesn't Рan outcome which the odds favor Рshe's just another delusional Angeleno chich̩.

So where does that leave her? Me? This blog?

Call me old fashioned, but I believe in honoring obligations. And that's not just because AMEX will rain down a shitstorm on me if I default. It's what an adult does. I have my dream, I don't want to be a corporate graphic designer until I retire, I want my life and work to revolve around art, entertainment, writing... Livin' La Dolce Vita, ladies! I work on it when I can, it is never far from my thoughts, I dream about it, and now I'm even blogging about it. But in the mean time, I pay my bills.

One day I might actually get the money back from my soon-to-be-ex-friend. The clock is definitely ticking. In the mean time, I chase my dream, occasionally live it, stay current with obligations, and I never loan out more than I can afford to lose. Because I've seen first hand how money can quickly turn a dream into a nightmare.